![]() ![]() I have had to physically place my child in timeout.I have threatened to put my child in timeout.Not sure whether your timeouts would qualify as “punishment”? See if any of the following statements apply to you. If, during your “timeouts,” you are simply giving your child the opportunity to self-sooth (taking her out of the stressful situation, empathizing with her in a calm tone of voice, showing her how to take deep breaths, listening to her), that is fine! More than fine, even - because you’re not using timeouts as a punishment. ![]() Now, some experts (and many, many parents) are almost sure to read this and say, “Hold on there, cowboy! Timeouts are fine as long as they are used properly.” So let’s quickly address that. “The more you use punishments to respond to behavior, the more you are actually escalating behavior and creating a reality where you have more behavior problems,” LaPointe said. Punishment in any form is harmful, LaPointe said, because “it takes the core need of the child… and uses it as a bargaining chip.” A child has a lot of core needs, she said, but one of the most vital is emotional attachment - the very thing parents sacrifice when they place their kids in timeouts. “Nine times out of 10,” she said, “the response has something to do with timeouts.” READ MORE: The case for having just one kid Vanessa LaPointe is a British Columbian child psychologist and the author of “Discipline without Damage.” LaPointe works with children who have severe behavioral issues, and she told me that the first thing she asks parents is: What sort of discipline do you use? Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, bestselling authors of “The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind,” who have written extensively on this topic.īut there are others. Two of the most well-known of these experts are Daniel J. ![]() Sometimes we need to listen, really listen, to the experts and the science - and both are telling us it’s time to quit punishing our children. Some people swear by the timeout! But, at some point, we must accept that even though we all love our kids and want what’s best for them, parenting can’t be a strictly intuitive endeavor. Look, I know this is difficult for a lot of parents to contemplate or even believe. “All behavior,” Hatfield said, “is communication.” Punishment in any form is harmful, because “it takes the core need of the child… and uses it as a bargaining chip.” Or maybe they just don’t know how to process whatever emotion they’re feeling. ![]() Maybe they are hungry or tired maybe they are overstimulated or overwhelmed maybe they need a hug. They don’t do things to be bad they do things because those things are age-appropriate, or because they’re still learning, or because they’re not getting some basic need met. Often, the child is made to stay “in timeout,” even if it requires restraint, and is ignored for the duration.Īll punishments are ineffective, Hatfield went on to say, because the vast majority of kids don’t misbehave they behave. Skinner, timeouts are a form of light punishment in which a child is placed in a certain spot for a set period of time. READ MORE: How to navigate the Santa myth We’d all thought that spanking was the big no-no turns out we were setting the bar very low. I glanced around the room at the other parents, all of whom shared similar looks of shock on their faces. We’ve been giving our kid timeouts for years. Not 15 minutes into the eight-hour class, certified parenting instructor Linda Hatfield, who runs a Southern California program called Parenting from the Heart, explained that decades of neuroscience and social research have shown that timeouts and other methods of punishment are not only ineffective in steering the behavior of children but outright damaging.īut… but… but… I thought. ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |